


At the Sokenzan Mountains of Madness

by Carliro



Category: Magic: The Gathering, Shirokuma Cafe | Polar Bear's Cafe
Genre: Insanity, Other, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carliro/pseuds/Carliro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tamiyo has some shocking revelations on Kamigawa's mountains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the Sokenzan Mountains of Madness

Tamiyo disliked the snow. The Soratami preffered the formless, ever changing nature of the clouds, filled with potential and easily shaped and refined. Snow and ice, on the other hand, were fixed and inherently possessed by inertia, crowning the mountains with a permanent chill, and while it did change the rocks, it did so in a brute, unrefined way, by breaking and smashing. Clouds brought life and potential; ice brought pneumonia and the status quo.

Nevertheless, the ever freezing nature of the mountains did had it's curiousities. For instance, how could the cold air of the Sokenzan support fire spells? How could the raw, ever burning mana of the cliffs shape ice and bring deadly chill? Why did lightning and magma associate themselves with the life-less void of the freezing rocks and water? How could such inertia be closely tied to passion, vibrancy and change? The questions were endless, and Tamiyo suspected that it was a random collection of criteria with no sense or logic behind them, but not pondering about these meanings would just be depressing.

Noticing a glint, Tamiyo took off, dancing in the biting winds and landing on a rock afar, as if flight was just a ridiculous jump. The glint was metallic in tone, uniquely distinct even in the pure whiteness of the frozen water, and most strangely seemed to be reflected in mid-air. Maybe some bizarre sort of solar phenomenon? Certain it was not a kami, since otherwise Tamiyo would have noticed. If the subtle, deceiving kami of the clouds could not fool a Soratami, what little hope could a brash, honest mountain kami have?

At any rate, Tamiyo supposed it was safe. She took out her notes, and described exactly the glint. She kept the notes in an outer pocket, as she was certain she would need said notes again soon. She could almost hear her aunt chide her for just carelessness in reccord storing, but frankly she did not have time or mana for more aetherical storage devices. And she liked the smell of paint anyways. So oddly metallic, yet "plant-ish".

Suddenly, the glint flared. Unprepared, Tamiyo was momentarily blinded, and the blast made her fall hastily on the snow. Cursing the damned light, she hissed as the frosty ice bit her ears, and slowly tried to rise. Her vision was turbulent, but she noticed a strange shape next to her, black and white.

"Need help?" it asked.

"No, thank you."

Tamiyo didn't look directly at the thing, opting to move forward to check for her notes, which were surely splattered on the ground. She didn't find them, and as her sight was more or less restored, she turned around to look at the thing.

It was a rather strange creature indeed. It stood about a meter tall, and was bipedal, walking erect. It had a black upperside and a white underside, with a black head and yellow spots on the cheeks and neck. Most bizarrely, this thing appared to be some sort of bird, with a thin, curved bill, two flipper-like wings and small scaly feet at the very bottom of the body. It didn't appear to be a kami, as it did not emanate any spiritual essences and lacked little orbs around it. On the contrary, it seemed to have some sort of implosive hint, energy moving inwards like a mini-blackhole. This strange creature was manipulating the notes pocket, examaning it with it's wings... somehow, as it lacked thumbs or other manipulative appendages.

"Sorry, does this belong to you?" it asked apologetically.

Tamiyo nodded, and the thing handed the pocket back, which Tamiyo examined as she got up. He didn't remove any notes.

"Excuse me, but what are you? I don't think I have seen anyone like you here" Tamiyo asked, hoping to not have sounded too intrusive or offensive.

"Oh, I'm a penguin. You can reffer to me as Pengin-san."

"Fascinating" Tamyio said honestly.

She took out her notes, and described Pengin with as much attention and care as possible. She considered to convince him to go with her to Oboro, but she quickly wiped that thought out of her mind. After all, the other Soratami would probably have no pity on the poor creature, as most of the specimens in her classes have shown. She would figure out some way to make his existence known. She recalled on old spell by master Takahame that took light pictures of living beings, sadly underused by other Soratami. If she recalled correctly, it needed either the mana from plains or mountains, so maybe she could perform it.

"So, do you live here?"

"Oh yes, I usually dive in the rivers and lakes around here. They're warm and bubbly and have lots of fish in them!"

"So you eat fish?"

"Yes. And shellfish."

"Interesting. I would think the lakes and rivers in the lowlands would be a better place to live though, since they have more aquatic prey and space to swim."

"Nah, I like it here. It's cold and chilly, just how I like it. Speaking of which, do you want some coffee?"

Before Tamiyo could ask what coffee was, Pengin began to walk and motioned her to follow. She look in front of her and gasped. The place where the glint had been was now some sort of tabern-like building, albeit with strange, sophisticated architecture she had never seen before. Cautiously, she follow the penguin and entered. Inside, there was some soberb illumination, as if small suns lined up the roof, and before her laid the most sophisticated, beautiful and clean counter she had ever seen. Most interestingly, however, were the other costumers. Sitting on the chairs were a small, black and white bear with rotund, almost doll-like features, a bizarre long-necked mammal covered in shaggy brown fur with rabbit like ears and a strange, hare-lipped snout, and a small, strange mammal with long arms and three curved claws in each limb, with coarse greenish-gray fur and a happy face. Tending to these costumers was a human woman with a black and white uniform unlike any other in Kamigawa and a red bandana, and working on the counter was a massive, white-furred bear with elongated features.

"Oh, who is this lady?" asked the bear in a calm, almost stoic voice.

"This is... uh..."

"My name is Tamiyo."

"Hi Tamiyo-san!" cheered the black and white bear in a high-pitched voice that made the Soratami want to claw her eardrums off.

"Do you want to order anything? It's on the house" said the large white bear.

"A cup of black tea would be nice" Tamiyo said, sitting down between the penguin and the long-necked mammal, "Do you all live here?"

"Just me. Everyone else is a costumer or simply works here" said the white bear, handing a black tea cup to Tamiyo.

"Interesting, I have never heard of beings like you in all of Kamigawa."

"Really? Then that makes my cuteness even more notable!" said the white and black bear, somehow blushing in spite of the facial fur.

Something about the black and white bear seemed off to Tamiyo. While the other creatures were at least tolerable, if non-overtly creepy, the smaller bear seemed to have the biggest "black hole" characteristic, almost as if feeding on the life force of other beings. In fact, with so many black holes in the room, Tamiyo wondered as to how she wasn't feeling weak or drained.

"So, what are you doing wandering around these parts, Tamiyo?" asked the long necked mammal.

Tamiyo was quite impressed by the creature. It had a somewhat aesthetically appealing face, but it's eyes revealed much darkness and depth, as if she was staring into a starless night sky.

"I was searching for a gem, stolen from my people. Admitely, I did get a bit... side tracked...."

"'Side tracked'?" asked the white bear.

Suddenly, Tamiyo felt a strong island and mountain mana current, and almost instantly the bear changed. He was wearing a black leather bra with silver crosses on it, purple lipstick and black leather pants. Before him was a doll meant to represent the former daimyo, nosebleeding and with his kami-disc being stolen by another figure dressed in black clothes and sliding as if coming from the shadows. The scene was rather impressively unreal, on par with the most sophisticated illusion spells Tamiyo had ever seen, and was almost dream-like in tone, like an oil painting. The most interesting thing was that, in spite of it's obviously eldritch visage, the scene was still effordless incorporated into reality, and where the unreal and real began was left progressively more mudied.

"That's 'distracted'!" shouted Pengin madly.

Another current, and the scene changed again. Now the bear was holding a white gem, dressed in a formal golden kimono, standing upon a broken and withered plain with corpses sorrounding him, all seemingly dead from old age.

"That's 'protracted'?" said the long necked mammal.

"I'm sorry, could someone explain to me what's going on?" said Tamiyo.

"Oh, it's their pun game" said the woman, "Shirokuma-kun makes visual puns everytime he feels like it".

"Won't that get confusing?"

"Yes... and... annoy...ing..." said the small mammal with the curved claws, who was drinking a green mixture on a brass cup.

"Not at all!" cheered the woman, whose voice revealed an emotion-less void.

Feeling a shiver down her spine, Tamiyo decided it was best to leave. These creepy beings could perhaps be studied later, hopefully with an entire army backing her up.

"Excuse me, I have to leave. It has been a delight talking to-"

"Weren't you side tracked in your quest for the gem?" said the long necked mammal, "If so, you surely have some more time to spare?"

"That's an even bigger reason for me to leave."

"Oh, you don't need to" said the white bear, revealing a cylindrical sapphire with kanji inscribed on it.

"Where did you find it!?" Tamiyo said exasperated.

"Oh, we found it on the ambassador's bed. Hope you don't mind."

"You stole it!?"

"I think it's very obvious!" cheered the black and white bear with an unnatural, evil glee.

"It... was... the-" the long armed mammal began to say, but was slapped on the face violently by the penguin. It looked at the bird with a very hurt facial expression, that almost made Tamiyo feel pity for him.

"What matters is that you are here, and you can serve the purpose we will place upon you!" said the woman.

The polar bear then reached for a pair of large, rusty scizzors, dripping with black oil. Without a second thought, Tamiyo took off and blasted out of the building, into the cold mountain air. Once she left, she was met with a fireball that nearly hit her. It appearently came from the llama, whose nostrils were fumigating.

"Please come back here, we will fix you!" said the penguin.

Tamiyo flew all the way to the mountain peak, landing for a few moments to catch her breath. To her shock, the panda was already before her, holding rotten bamboo that likely came from Takenuma. He giggled mysteriously, and then waved the bamboo, filling the air with a noxious gas.

"You deserve to die" he giggled while rolling on the snow.

Tamiyo blasted him with a wind gust off the mountain, but as she did so the sloth was grabbing her legs. He was surprisingly heavy, but eventually she managed to conjure up enough mana to fly. Her flight was short lived, however, as seemingly out of nowhere a powerful paw punched her face, sending her falling down to the mountain side, her fall in the snow triggering an avalanche. In spite of the burning pain, Tamiyo concentrated again and took off, the sloth still hanging on her legs. But once again her flight was interrupted when a powerful punch hit her abdomen, removing all air from her lungs and sending her once againt o the ground.

"I... am.... sorry... for... this, but... we... have... to kill... you...."

Consumed by pain and by fury, Tamiyo resorted to the unthinkable, and drew mana from the mountain. Surprisingly, it was quite amazing, feeling her with strong passions and strength, as if the pain and the exhaustion didn't matter anymore. She embraced the mountain mana, feeling it flow through her veins in a mixture of heat and cold. She finally understood why the mountain was this paradoxical, this creative yet so sterile, this burning yet so frigid, and tapped into the immense potential that lied within the Sokenzan range.

With a breath, she spelled forth the doom to her binder, and the sloth was burned to a crisp. Free, she rose in the sky, and saw the bear moving through the air towards her, sorrounded by raw strands of mana similar to flowing blood and smoke. She evaded the attack and called forth the might of the sky and of the mountain, striking furiously at her assailant, whose fur was burned away and whose flesh was blackened by the fire and lightning.

She saw the panda beneath her, waving at her with more Takenuma bamboo, and she imprisoned him with ice. She then descended furiously and ripped his head off with her bare, frozen hands, and punched the detached skull until it was a bloody mixture. As she did this, the llama and the woman appeared before her, and their visages bursted and exploded into raw, monstruous flesh, tentacles and bone-made arthropod limbs revealing the eldritch horrors they were. They combined to form a monstruous beast, whose flesh morphed until there was no shape but vicious tentacles, guts and sinew, pulsating with fiery veins and revealing the hints of tormented souls. The tentacles erupted forth torrents of burning blood, and Tamiyo was forced to retreat to the safety of the sky.

Just as she did so, the bear came into view, his unregenerated burned appearence depicting his bloody evil soul, worse than all oni and kami combined.

"All must suffer!" he chanted in a low, tantric voice.

His face peeled off like a banana, revealing bloody jaw bones oozing necrotic promises.

Tired and bored, Tamiyo just planeswalked away.


End file.
